Shrek: Another Version Of The Fairytale
by TheAnadalua
Summary: There are some stories which don't have a confirmed author and we only know them because they have been told from generation to generation. Well, that fact can make it possible for different versions of the same tale to emerge. Like this furry and forgotten one. No new pairings! It includes my OC!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi. This is Anadalua speaking and first of all: thank you for choosing to read this newbie story of mine. Yes it's my first one here at Fanfiction, so I would like to know your opinion. A constructive one, if you please. Also message me for any doubts, but no spoilers I warn you.**

**I decided to create an OC Tia Sharpclaws to be part of Shrek's adventures and live them with the team but only for that very reason. I don't want to steal him from Fiona or whatsoever with any other couple. I might pair her with another character from Shrek's Universe but that's still for future non-confirmed plans.**

**I don't own Shrek nor all the other characters from his films, they belong to Dreamworks. I just own Tia and some occasional minor fellows. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Introduction**

_"Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss._

_She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed._

_She waited in the dragon's keep. In the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss."_

Yes, I know. You have already read or heard this from somewhere, most probably from your bedtime stories. When I was a kid I did listen to some of this sort of fairy tale. The world sure was sweeter and easier back then. This precise tale, however, had only come to my knowledge in my adulthood so I didn't really give that much of a care. But little did I know that (ironically) I would become part of this very bedtime story filled with magic, adventures, annoying creatures, a king with height issues, a black belt princess, a mighty dragon, a not-so-evil ogre and, of course, "the true love and true love's first kiss".

And what about you? Yes. I'm talking to you, my curious reader. Are you willing to follow this story telling session of mine? Yes? Alright then. Let me take you to the beginning of all this: the first time I read Princess Fiona's fairy tale and decided to give it a really constructive and mature review.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_There go my vacations!_

"Oh. Meu. Deus*. This _**really **_sucks!"

Ok. Maybe not so mature.

Nor constructive.

"I think I'm going to puke this morning's furball."

Oh. Did I forget to mention that I'm a cat?

"It's no wonder that people complain about my _need_ of being more feminine. Girls are brainwashed with this _**trash **_to make them believe they are born 'donsels in distress'." The old lady at the book store counter by my side laughed. "Says the talking pussy cat." I playfully made a fake shocked face. "How dare you! I am no donsel! Besides just because I'm a sort of fairy tale creature that doesn't mean I came from this kind of _nonsense_." She laughed once more. "I can see that now. Where are you from sweetheart? I've seen you a lot in the past weeks but I never had the chance to ask." "Oh really _**really**_ far away from here. A not-that-big kingdom by the sea actually, next to Spain. It goes by the name of Portugal: land of poets, navigators, wine, and of course 'fado'. Ever heard something about it?" She gave me a thoughtful expression, while looking at the ceiling, before answering. "Hum...Yes. A thing or two. But not much. Even so, what are you doing so far from home by yourself?" I smiled to the older's curiosity. I don't usually trust people that easily but since she seemed to be a fine person I decided to risk.

Without unneeded details of course.

"Mainly two things: travelling and working. You see back at my village payment isn't that great so I go from town to town to do some jobs and I send the money to my parents who still have a studying child to raise. You know, one of those few cases in which the girl knows she _**has**_ to work to be someone in life and not simply sit and wait for a prince charming."

See? No details.

"You sure are an odd chil-I mean kitten. I see that you wear boots. Who are you exactly? Puss in Boots?". I shook my head slightly. "No, I'm not him. But don't worry I'm mistaken a lot of times so I'm used to it. Unfortunately most people think that _**every**_ walking-in-two-paws cat that wears boots is him. That's equal to say that all cats are the same, which are not." With this I put the book back to it's original place. "Well I should leave now. It was a pleasure to chat with you Mrs...". She smiled warmly in my direction. "You can call me Granny, honey. And the pleasure is all mine. Not many people bother to pay me attention so it's always nice to have someone to chat with." "Alright then, _Granny_, I bed you goodbye." Walking to the exit I was just about to get outside when the old lady lastly asked "Oh I forgot again. Silly me! What's your name?" Turning around I said "Tia. Tia Sharpclaws. But you can call me Lu".

* * *

After the book store episode I was leaving town and passing by the remaining shops. I stopped when I noticed my reflection on the glass of one of them. There I could see my grey and black striped fur and chocolate brown eyes. And I'm a tom cat by the way. I adjusted my belt, which carried a few daggers that I fight with, my dirty brown boots and hooded cape. Not also forgetting to fix my red scarf around my neck. Although my favourite colour is purple I always thought that red suited the best on that piece of clothing. Finishing, I returned to my voyage, not quite noticing the small group of thugs whispering and pointing to my direction.

A few miles later I was reading my map, thinking about distances and estimating times. "Let's see. About 5 miles from here is a swamp and before it it's another town. With the extra money I earned at the last one I won't need to find another job for the next... 2 weeks. Well, it's not that bad and a little rest will only do good." Yeah. I did talk a lot to myself back then.

And I still do.

But my thoughts had to wait because a bit further from where I stood was a what seemed to be old man laying on the ground right at the middle of the dirt road. Worried I run to his side and immediately checked his pulse. "Graças a Deus*. He's not dead." The said man started to whine and complain about his _fake_ pain.

You read well:_ fake_.

"Don't worry sir. I'm here to help you."."How sweet, aren't you kitty?" So I heard and soon I forgot, since the last thing I saw as I turned to the voice's source was a giant stick which knocked me dead with a great hit on the head. A light evil laugh echoed in ears as my vision embraced darkness. I won a hell of headache when I regained conscious.

And a _beautiful_ bruise.

* * *

I don't know yet exactly how long I went out but it couldn't had been much because when I woke up it was still daytime. "Ouch. What a hell of a headache. That will sure leave me with a _beautiful_ bruise."

Told _ya._

" he old '_grampa in need' _trick. I should have known."

As I looked around I noticed that I was in a cage, carried by the thug who hit me, and that my stuff were missing.

_Perfect_.

He was in a line formed by other people, with all sort of creatures, waiting for their turn. I wasn't sure for what exactly but what I saw then kinda gave me the idea: there were what looked like to be dozens of other cages on the ground, most of them full of fairy tale creatures. We were in a sort of improvised temporary camp guarded by a few soldiers in a suit of armor who were guiding (or more like pushing) said chained creatures into not far prison carriages and so sent to God knows where. "Alright. This one's full. Take it away." said one guard to the fully loaded 'vehicle'. I heard coins hitting wood and then watched the first person in line giving away what I presumed to be Snow White's seven midgets in exchange of the coins given by another soldier with no helmet who was sat down behind a desk. One made out of wood.

They were... _**selling **_us.

Literally not joking.

The poor small men started to sing a sad song as they were yelled at and pushed violently since they were walking too slowly because of the chains on their wrists and waist.

"Move it along. Come on! Get up!" Believe me that soldier's attitude was getting on my nerves. And I'm known for being a really calm person.

Sometimes maybe too much.

The line moved a bit forward as the trading soldier called for the next person at the same time he took notes. "Give me that!" The infurating guard broke a witch's broom in two."Your flying days are over." "That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch." The seated soldier paid the man, who went away complaining about the little money he earned, and proceeded: "Next!".

In the meanwhile, I kept looking at the next victims, including the witch who had the same fate as the others in a locked carriage. Was I going to suffer the same fate? "Good. You're not sleeping anymore. Now behave yourself kitty 'cause it's our turn." told me the thug with a yellow grin and a stinking breath. _**Yuck**_. I just hissed bitterly in response."Next!"

"What did you bring?" My cage was put on the desk in a too uncaring way for my own taste. "_**Puss in Boots**_**!**" Most people gasped and looked at each other. "Really?" But the helmetless man wasn't one of them. "Well the spanish authorities are giving a reward of 1000 pieces of _**gold**_ for his head. If you can prove this cat is in fact him we are willing to give you at least a close amount to the original one." Trying to convince him the thug put also my cape, boots, belt and scarf on the table. But not my money bag. Aquele monte de - *." Here, you see? He wears boots. And a cape. He has also daggers, so it can only be Puss in Boots!" I slapped my forehead. Man, he sure was dumber than a rock.

No, wait. That's not enough.

My mistake.

"Are you kidding with me? Are _**you**_ _kidding_ with_** ME **_? I. AM. NOT. PUSS. IN. BOOTS! And for some good reasons: number one, I am female; number two, I don't carry a sword and people always say that he's better than anyone at sword fighting; number three, and last one, there are millions of cats out there and a nice group of them can talk and wears boots, so what makes you think that I'm him?" For a bit they all remained quiet. "I'm sorry, but she has a point." The thug got in a desperate state. I could feel victory there, although it didn't last for long. "But I must say she's a beauty and she can talk which makes her a fairy tale creature. So including her stuff, that can make a total of 25 pieces of silver. And I'm feeling generous today." I rolled my eyes to those words.

Beauty? I'm a cat. That's the maximum of 'beautifulness' you could ever get.

Generous? With 20 pieces of silver for a witch? I don't think so.

Hope actually returned to the yellow-grinned man who happily accepted and ran away.

I never saw him again though.

"Ok. Put her on top of the baby bear's cage." Guess who was given this task? That's right. The_ infuriating soldier_. "Who's a cute little kitten? Who is it?" he cooed and cooed as he took me to my new place. I raised my fur, arched my back, hissed with the scariest face I could manage and made catish angry sounds.

Looks like that kitten wasn't me.

When said guard was done and had enough of my uncute attitude, the baby bear under me was crying and they were just putting the lock on his prison. "This cage is too small." he said between his tears. His mother at our right tried to make him feel better but she was too down herself.

That was the last drop.

I had to do something. The issue wasn't how to get out of the cage but how to survive the guards and free everybody at the same time. I sighed and pressed my forehead against the cold metal from the cage bars. "What I need is a distraction."

I must have been blessed because not long after I heard some old woman's screams and a metal kick. And when I raised my head I saw ... a_** flying **_donkey.

It still sounds unbelievable right now.

"Hey! I can fly." he said. "He can fly!" exclamated a little boy and the three little pigs."He can talk!?". I'm a talking cat which walks in her back paws, wears boots, a mysterious cape, fights with daggers and travels by herself and the trading arrogant helmetless soldier gets impressed with a simple talking donkey? I didn't want to live in this world anymore.

"Ha, ha! That right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey." Oh boy. "You might have seen a house fly, maybe even a super fly, but I bet you ain't ever seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha!" And then he run out of fairy dust. All his happy thoughts _**lost**_. "Uh-oh." He hit the ground with a grunt.

_**Yup**_. Pretty much doomed.

"Seize him!" With this single order soldiers started to jump and tried to catch the animal but in the end they never made it. "After him! He's getting away!" The donkey got into the woods and soon after went all the guards leaving the camp '_unguarded_'.

"Now that's what I call a distraction! Thank you very much!" I quickly opened my cage's lock using one of my claws and got to the ground running to the wooden desk. On it were the cages' keys and under it were my things.

I didn't know who was dumber: the thug who hit me or those soldiers.

After 'getting dressed' I released Mama and Papa Bears and asked them "Please, Mr. and Mrs. Bear, scare these humans and free all the others. I've got a donkey to save." They understood immediately. "We don't know how to thank you.". "That's good 'cause you won't need to." and so I run into the forest following the direction the talking animal took. I even got in all four paws to get there faster.

* * *

A few minutes later, my ears twitched: I heard screams and heave feet. "The guards". I stopped in my tracks and hid behind a tree waiting for them to pass by. When they did they seemed to be running from something.

Like little _baby_ scared **_girls_**.

"Ogre! Save yourself!". Oh no. "An ogre !?" I cried to no one in particular. I had always been warned during my trip that ogres can be the most fearful creature someone can think of.

And that donkey managed to get caught by one of them.

What is he? A danger magnet?

Even having the possibility of facing such a monster I had to at _**least**_ try to rescue the animal. It was my duty. If it wasn't for him, me and all the other remaining fairy tale creatures would be lost by now. So I went after him. How? I followed the ogre's scent.

**_Believe_** me_,_ it wasn't _that_ hard.

"Well, there go my vacations!".

* * *

**Meu** **Deus** = **My God**

**Graças a Deus = Thank God**

**Aquele** **monte** **de** - = **That pile of **-

**So what do you think? I know it's not the best thing in the whole world but I think it will make you smile even if just once :)**

**More chapters will later arrive and please forgive me for any spelling or grammar mistake you may find there. I'm not a native speaker so it can be that hard.**

**See you next time !**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello there! Again. This is Anadalua (again) here to bring you a brand new chapter of 'Shrek: AVOTF'. But before that I must give a big and fuzzy 'Thank you!' to a particular user here at FanFiction who has the greatest experience when it comes to fan made fics in Shrek's Universe: Pricat.**

**Thanks to this **_**really**_** faithful Shrek fan I'm even more confident about my OC and her role as a significant character.**

**Oh. I have decided to give my OC a voice actress, since I believe that at least some of you like to read Shrek's fanfiction with their voices in mind. I chose Daniela Ruah, because she's a great example of a portuguese native who can speak english and portuguese perfectly with no changes in both accents.**

**I've got a sequel in mind too, so if you like this story until its end, stay alert for any warnings.**

**I don't own Shrek nor all the other characters, they belong to Dreamworks. I just own Tia Shapclaws. **

**Enjoy! (Again)**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

_On the road again._

Ok. For those who may have forgotten, I will clarify you the point of my situation: I was kidna-I meant _**catnapped**_, put in a cage, mistaken for Puss in Boots for the _16752431_th time, sold by a stinking thug, bought by dumb guards, I also rescued some fairy tale creatures (or so I thought) and went after a donkey to save him too.

"**_Rrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooo ooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr_**!"

Oh yes.

From an ogre.

And I'm not even a black cat.

"That doesn't sound good." I said after I heard the ogre's roar and started to go faster. If that was even possible. By each step I took, the stronger the scent would get, which meant I was getting closer.

I stopped by a small river to catch my breath for a brief moment."They were here." I looked to a near by small grassed hill. Behind it was the source of the smell.

And therefore the said _monster_.

So close and at the same time so far, don't you think ?

As I walked slowly to the top of the hill, I prepared myself to the battle with a paw on one of my daggers. I halted just a few inches from the hedge and took a deep breath. I thought about my family, friends, home, my long journey, the lessons I had learned, the mistakes I had made... Ok, this last one took a while since I'm a dummy. And _**not **_perfect. But overall I reflected about everything. My whole future would depend on this fight. **_Seriously_**.

"May the Lord be by my side."

Yes. I'm that religious.

Finally, giving a peek over the hill I saw ... the donkey. _**Alone**_. "Mas que raio?*****" Hey! I wasn't complaining. The thing was that I had gotten ready to face one of most fearful creatures of all times, with a high change of getting myself truly hurt (if not _**killed**_) and suddenly it's _**not **_there ?!

Tell me about _unexpected_ surprises.

"Well, the source is in that... house-like building so it can't be an ambush." I said as I got to my normal position. Yeah. I'm that serious went it comes to this kind of situation. I mean, you never know if it's a trap or not (like the one_** I **_stupidly fell for previously). So, where was I? Oh. Right. Down the hill and in front of the root tree house, the talking animal still hadn't spotted me as I went to his direction passing by some warning signals about an ogre.

He sure didn't seem to have many visits.

The little donkey, however, looked somewhat sad with his head and long hears down. He was even singing some kind of '_**lonely**_ song' for himself :

"_I'm all alone_.

_There's no one else here beside me_."

"Hey there." I must ask you something. Are these words magical? Because once I said them the animal looked at me and immediately cheered up with this huge grin on his face.

_**Beware my power of happiness!**_

"Why, hello! Wait. I know who you are! You're that pussy cat they thought it was Puss in Boots! What are you doing here? And how come you're outside your cage?" He sure looked fine to me. "Well, I was supposed to rescue you from the ogre but it seems that he didn't do anything to you." Or he wasn't so bad at all or he was a vegetarian. I kinda prefered the first one. "Really? All that for me? Oh. How sweet of you to care! No one does anymore, you know?" he said with a hint of sadness at the last sentence. "But I had to. Thanks to you those guards weren't around and I was able to get out of that _darned_ cage and free the others." The donkey gave me an amused look. "Wait a minute. You mean you actually did all that by yourself? _Wow_. Man! I like your attitude!" I gave a small chuckle.

Come on! Admit it!

You think he's funny too!

"Anyway, I see you're ok, which is my hint to get going. It was a pleasure Mr. Donkey. So, adeus*." I was about to turn around and leave when suddenly he went in front of me pleading: "No! Wait! I kinda wanted to ask you a favor." I arched my furry (and quite _non-existing_) brow. "What sort of favor ?". With an innocent look he answered "Well, as you can see. I'm here. Outside. All by myself. But I don't like to be alone! And Shrek won't let me get inside." Once again I had to arch my brow. "Shrek? Who's Shrek?". "The ogre of course! Don't worry about him. He might yell and roar a lot - and be rude to you sometimes - but he's a nice guy. He was the one who scared away those guards for me."

Yes, I know.

I will never forget their terrified-like-hell faces.

It was _**brilliant**_.

"So, what do you say? Can you stay? Just a little longer?" he lastly asked with true hope filling his eyes. I had to think in my current situation. Out of money? I couldn't even look for a job with this 'fairy tale for sale' thing going on, so that had to wait. No house? Every comfy tree could be my temporary home. Out of food? Around me was a large and healthy forest, there had to be plenty of food. And with this in mind I answered: "Sure, why not? I could use some company myself." Out of joy he wiggled his tail. "Awesome! You don't realise how happy that makes me. We can even get to know each other better. You can call me just Donkey, so you please cut the '_Mister' _thingy. I'm not that old. And what about you? What's your name?" I smiled to him. "Tia Shapclaws. But my friends call me Lu.". "Lu, ah? Funny nickname you got there. You know Tia, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!".

* * *

I must confess: Donkey sure is a _**hell**_ of a talker. And I'm not saying this because I found him annoying back then (or nowadays), but simply for the fact that he has always something new on the tip of his tongue to tell you. It's amazing, actually. I had even to warn him about not speaking so loud to not disturb _Shrek_. I was still a bit restless about him. And believe me when I tell you I wasn't that really interested in what he was doing inside that house. Remember? '_Curiosity killed the cat.'_

Hours flew by as I chatted and I only noticed this when it was already dark and the moon had long ago arrived.

"Sorry Donkey, but I really must go now. I have to find shelter for the night.". He looked disappointedly to the night sky. "Oh _man_, really?". I nodded in response. "Alright then. I understand.". And then an idea came: "Oh! You could sleep here with me!" he pleaded once more. Smiling nervously I said "Thanks for your kindness but there's no need for that. I just have to pick a nice tree that's all." His usual excitement vanished once and for all at that moment.

_Poor_ Donkey.

"So, I guess this is really goodbye." he said as he slowly walked to Shrek's window and looked inside. I presumed he was watching the ogre himself. I could hear some biting and 'silverware-against-plate' sounds, which meant he was having dinner. I wasn't sure what it was, but only its smell was enough for my appetite to disappear. "Hey, don't worry though. I bet we will see each other again." The little animal returned to his original spot in front of the house's door even more wistfully than before. "Yeah. That's what they _all_ say." he finished more to himself than to me as he laid on the ground getting ready to sleep. I felt the situation was getting too bitter, so for a short moment I thought of a reply that could cheer up a bit the mood. But once more I had to be taken from my world, because suddenly the door softly creaked. And soon after I heard a sigh.

From Shrek.

"I thought I told you to stay outside." Running to the window Donkey answered "I am outside." and then left it. Where does he get all that energy anyway? "What have I done wrong?" he asked me. "I don't know bud', but I'm not liking it. I smell mice in this." He looked at me funny. "It's just probably the wind. You don't need to get so alert.". I shook my head as I perked my ears expecting any signs of movement. "No, I'm serious! I really smell _**mice**_ near by." And then there was this clattering and little voices (the mice, of course), followed by some grunts and yelling. Well, the thing is that I didn't pay that much of attention to this back then, so I don't remember many details. The reason? A little something I had to handle myself.

Three words:

_**Fairy tale creatures. **_

That's right. The fellows I saved that day and many more others I didn't see where arriving at the swamp with lots of bags, tents, clothes, personal objects, food and who-knows more.

They looked like _refugees_ from a lost battle.

There were witches, animals like my fellow and me, elves, fairies, magical animated objects,... Well, basically beings from all sorts and colours. "Whoa! Tia, are you seeing what I'm seeing or is this just a dream?". "No, Donkey. I think this is real. Or we are having the same dream." Yup. I was confused. "Hey, look! There is the Bear Family!" But, thanks to Donkey (again) I was going to be clarified. "Mr. Bear! Mrs. Bear! What are you doing here? What's going on?" I asked as I got to their side with Donkey following behind. Mrs. Bear was the one who replied. "Oh! It's you! Hello dear. It's quite a story actually. Little after you were gone into the forest the guards returned. But we were all free already so we thought we could handle them easily by ourselves."."Like taking candy from a human baby!" interrupted her husband. "Yeah, like that. Thanks, honey pot. Anyway, what we didn't expect was that they had reinforcements not far away from the camp. They were too many! We couldn't stand a chance! We had children with us to look for! So in the end we were recaptured.".

"Wow. What a really bad day! But wait. If you were taken again what are you guys doing here free?" asked Donkey. I was thinking about the same question. Then, Mr. Bear was about to end with our doubts when suddenly his baby bear started to complain about his tiredness and coldness.

What was with all these _**impolite **_interruptions all of a sudden?

That wasn't an original family comedy animation.

It was a melodramatic afternoon soap opera full of drama where the main character is about to know the reason why his/her lover loves him/her!

"I'm sorry, but we have done a long journey and like our baby here we are exhausted. I hope you don't mind we talk to you later.". "No,no,no! Not at all! You were a great help, believe me." I answered. Nodding thankfully, the Bear Family went to join some other creatures who were around a fire camp.

**_Wow_**.

They sure were quick to _settle down._

"I don't think Shrek will be happy about them. He kinda likes his privacy." told me Donkey. At that moment, I expected the worse from the green being.

"I live in a swamp." And here it came. "I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre!" he said as he brutally opened the door revealing Big Bad Wolf dressed with an old lady's night-dress and hold in the air by it. "What do I have to do to get a little privacy?" he asked as he threw the wolf out. I felt sorry for him, but after Shrek later told me what happened, I had to confess he was somewhat right: _**never **_(really) _**ever**_ invade someone else's warm and comfy bed!

"Oh, no." Oh, yes. "Oh,no." Yeah. It was pretty much the apocalypse. "_No_!" yelled Shrek before one flying witch almost hit him as she passed by. "**_No_**!". This time he threw himself forward hitting his belly on the ground so to miss other two witches. The confused and stressed ogre could only keep looking around at the invasion of his lands: the witches landed using a near by improvised landing field with some welves helping them; a great amount of children together (being two of them in a fight) with a woman putting some clothes drying out; the own Pied Piper of Hamelin playing his well-known instrument to call his rats; for last, Mr. Bear and his son sitting by the said fire camp. And with all this, Shrek reached his limits.

"**What are you doing in my swamp!**" he yelled as he got up on his feet.

That yell _sure_ got everyone's attention.

It even made echo.

_**All**_ the refugees looked at the source of the frightening sound and almost immediately froze in their tracks as they gasped at the very same time. Yes, believe me! Some even screamed out of pure horror! I actually saw a midget let his plate fall on the ground, the three fairies from Sleepy Beauty hiding in their tent and two other midgets hugging each other for dear life as they backed away behind a tree root. To resume this all in a few words: they were _**busted**_.

"All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!" kept Shrek ordering as he tried to make them leave while moving his arms. But they only backed away a few inches as he did so. Then, some of them rapidly avoided him and got into the house. "No, no. No, no. Not there. Not there!" he constantly warned them, although it was useless. They closed the door on his face and didn't seem bothered with the fact that Shrek was soon trying to open it. With all that hurry they even left a fairy behind. Who in the end crashed on the door with a small 'Oh' and fell on the ground.

Don't worry, she didn't die.

At least I think so.

The tired ogre eventually gave up and sighed. That wasn't one of his best days. He turned once again to the crowd with his angry and pissed look. Or more specifically to a certain little donkey by my left side. "Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them." Donkey said to prove his innocence. "Oh, gosh, no one invited us." told the one and only Pinocchio. _Wow_. I was getting good in this 'fairy tale identification' thing. "_What!?_" asked the incredulous Shrek as he went a little to the puppet's direction while opening his arms. "We were forced to come here." Pinocchio added. Ok. Now it was my turn: "_What!?_"

"**_By who!?_**" Shrek and I asked at the same time. I usually don't mind this kind of 'coincidence', but twice in a day? With two different persons? I thought God was trying to send me some sort of signal. "Lord Farquaad." replied one of the Three Little Pigs as his brothers hid behind each other. Everyone soon turned their heads to him. "He huffed and he puffed and he... signed an eviction notice." he finished with his 'arms' behind his back. Shrek's reaction? Sigh, of course.

"All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?" he asked moving his arms once more. And scaring some creatures in the process. Once again. But even so, the crowd only started murmuring. Not really helping. I couldn't say much either since my map was stolen.

"Oh, I do. I know where he is."

See? The little donkey knows everything!

"Does anyone _**else**_ know where to find him?" the ogre insisted. Baby Bear actually raised his paw, but quickly his dad put it down afraid of what could happen to his cub if he continued doing so. "Anyone at all?" asked Shrek. Big Bad Wolf decided to point to the man on his side, although he did the same with the wolf itself. "Me! Me!" kept saying Donkey. "Anyone?" "Oh! Oh, pick me!" The green being was obviously avoiding him. Because anyone would miss a jumping talking donkey which would get _right_ in front of you every single time you looked somewhere else, right? "Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!" he repeated. The whole situation was quite amusing to me, I even gave some small chuckles. You already saw it coming, though: Shrek gave up.

With yet another sigh.

"Okay, **_fine_**. Attention all fairy tale things." And here came the 'hero-like' speech. "Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out." Or so _**you**_ thought. And almost everyone there with a shocked expression on their faces. "In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from!" he lastly said pointing to some random direction.

For a moment, they all remained silent looking at Shrek, but soon after came loads of cheering and clapping. They didn't really got the message. Some birds appeared and dropped a cape made out of pink flowers on his back. He took it off right away complaining. "You." he said pointing to Donkey who immediately looked back. "You're comin' with me." he added as he started to walk away from the crowd. "All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. **I love it**!" he cheered happily as the little birds from before dropped a flower crown on his head. He soon after went to catch up Shrek.

Wait a minute.

What about _**me**_?

I ran as fast as I could to get in front of the ogre, who was just taking a torchlight from an unlucky midget. _Violently_. "Wait! Mr. Shrek!" I yelled with my paws in the air to make him stop. "What is it now?" he questioned obviously annoyed. Not a good sigh. "Can I go with you, _please_?". He gave me the **_'you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me' _**look. "What? Why?". I took a deep breath for the moment. "Why? Because what happened to these '_fairy tale things_' could had happened to me or even to _**you**_. I could had lost my house, my family, my friends, my land and birthplace, my very own home - and you your adored tree house and swamp - if we were one of them. They don't deserve this. No one does. Not even **_you_**. That's why I want to have a little chat with this _'Farquaad-scum'_ and make him undo what he did. No matter what it takes.". He looked at me somewhat surprised, probably not expecting someone (much less one so small) who actually cared for those '_invaders'._

Even if it meant to face **_him_**.

"Who are you anyway?". Well, at least he didn't say I was Puss in Boots. Please, give him a medal! "She's Tia Sharpclaws! My new badass friend! Didn't you notice her while you were inside?" asked Donkey. "Oh no! I'm _so_ sorry, I didn't notice her. Maybe, _just maybe_, because - I don't know - I **_was _**inside?" he snaped with obvious sarcasm to him. "Anyway, I don't think so. I want to finish this as quick as possible and one more person can only slow us down." Shrek confessed as he returned his attention to me. "I _beg_ you and promise that I won't. And you also have my word that as soon as we end with this issue, I will leave you and never bother you ever again. So what do you say?" Still, he didn't seem convinced. "C'mon, Shrek! I know we can trust her. Please, _please_, **_please_**? With cherries on top?" tried the friendly animal.

You can always count with him, no matter what it may be!

"Ok. **_Fine_**." sighed the green ogre. "_But_ if you get hurt or something I won't take any responsibility. You chose, you suffer." And he let me in. "Yes, _sir_! Thanks a lot, _sir_!" I replied doing the military salute as I let him pass me to get ahead. We were walking on a log over the swamp water. Thankfully. "All right! Now it's Shrek, Tia and Donkey into the cold, tough world! _On the road again_. Sing it with me Shrek! _I can't wait to get on the road again_..." The ogre suddendly turned. "What did I say about singing?" he warned. "Can I whistle?" begged Donkey. "No." was the quick reply. "Can I hum it?" he asked again. "All right, hum it." Shrek said. And so did the music lover.

He hummed.

And I lightly laughed.

* * *

**Mas que raio? = What the hell? **

**Adeus = Goodbye**

**Finally, **_**c'est finit**_**. This one took a while to complete. I just hope no character has OOC. I hate it when that happens. Also tell me your constructive opinion, please! Forgive me for any spelling/grammar mistake you may find.**

**See you next time! (Again XD) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi, how are you doing? Fine, I hope. Because I've got here another chapter for you to read and belive me I'm quiet enjoying the amount of people who has been doing so. Ok. It's not the oh-super-popular-masterpiece-of-the-century, but, hey, I'm loving it! It's kinda like a dream which came true and I've only recently found **_**guts **_**to fulfill by my own hands.**

**Ok. Let's get straight to business, shall we?**

**I don't own Shrek nor all the other characters, they belong to Dreamworks. I just own Tia Sharpclaws. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

_What kind of quest?_

"But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc."

Yup. We had just arrived at the fox's hiding place.

Although, through a carriage parking lot.

"I told ya I'd find it." insisted Donkey proud of his little victory over Shrek's doubt. Who kept warning him that we were possibly lost. _All_ the single way there. "And you couldn't be more right, parceiro*." I said as I gave him a light punch on his shoulder. "I myself would be probably lost by now without a map, if I tried to get here. You have a great sense of orientation.". "Oh please. You're making me blush." was the little animal's answer to my compliment. "So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle." mentioned the ogre, automatically moving our attention to the monumental building. Well, I kinda thought that too as I noticed this giant **'f' **on its entrance.

The Lord sure didn't want to fool the tourists.

The castle and the surrounding wall themselves seemed to be made out of very light grey granite, almost white. And they had an unusually regular shape. Lucky for me, my hood was already down when I raised my head up to the construction's top. And I had to admit: it was impressive. Birds even flew by it's side.

"Uh-huh. That's the place." confirmed Donkey. "Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?" Shrek joked before laughing slightly to our direction. But unfortunately for him, we didn't get it back then. specially the donkey who only kept looking confused at the _**tall **_building. "Sorry, I don't understand." I said. Hey! I was tired from miles of walking and I hadn't slept that much the previous night. Sue me! The ogre, however, just groaned while shaking his head and heading to the entrance. I was quickly behind him. "Hey, wait. Wait up, Tia. Shrek!" Donkey? Not so much.

A bit further we saw a man wearing a giant fake head (with a red and yellow hat) and matching red outfit which I didn't know who they were trying to resemble. Behind him was a sigh which said '_45 minutes wait from here' _and some...Huh...I don't know their name, exactly. Let's just say they are those thingies people use in '_Red Carpet' _events so to let the V.I.P. guests pass through the crowds. He was waving goodbye to a family.

"Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry."

Who seemed to be late for something.

The three of us looked at each other for a second with the same puzzled look on our faces. Shrek was the one who took the initiative, though. "Hey, you.". Not a great idea, in my opinion. Once the man turned to the source of the voice, he screamed and run as fast as he could with the extra weight through the maze of...Those _**thingies**_. Seriously, I must find out what's their name.

"Wait a second." Shrek said as he rushed closer raising his hand. I hardly believed he was listening to him. "Look, I'm not going to eat ya." At least the ogre tried to clarify the situation. "I just-" The man went to one side of the maze whimpering. "I just-" And then he went to the other one. Also whimpering. Seeing it was useless, the green being gave up with a sigh. And simply walked straight forward, ignoring and dragging along the _you-know-what_ with Donkey and I right behind him. I couldn't help but find the dumb man's attitude amusing. If he was really running away from a death-threatning creature, he could just had done like Shrek did.

But, _**no**_.

Why?

Because that wouldn't be as funny.

And his act wasn't finished yet. Since the fake head he was wearing was too big, it hit the entrance so bad he fell backwards with a groan and almost immediately passed out. "_Ouch_. That must had hurt." I said when we moved near it and gave him a peek. Confirming he was 'OK' (or should I say K.O.), Shrek passed through one of the entrance's turnstiles sideways.

_**Ugh**_.

I still can't belive myself.

I know this mechanism's name, but I don't know the one's before yet!

I must ask Santa to give me an illustrated dictionary next Christmas.

Anyway, I didn't even need to touch the turnstile, since I was small enough to pass through the gap next to it. However, Donkey got stuck on said mechanism which was refusing to move once again. He tried a few times to make it work, but only in vain. Then, suddenly, it made the little animal spin with its bars until it stopped and threw him hard on the ground. His reaction? A light chuckle. Mine? Hold my laugh and help Donkey out. Shrek's? A sigh followed by the classic head shaking and going ahead of us. Oh, boy. What a show.

Soon forgetting that little _clumsy_ moment, we gave a look to our new surroundings: in front of us was a small avenue with its typical 'tiny gardens' and the closest one to us also had the same head the _dumb man_ was wearing, although this time it was made out of flowers (I was starting to believe he was some kind of _idol_ or something); _every __**single**_ house there had blue roofs and white walls with blue lines and a nice number of them had the same height, if not they had exactly the double of it (I know, _creepy_, isn't it?); there were flowers everywhere possible and they all were _pink_! God. It still gives me the shivers when I think about it. Overall, everything seemed to be as organized and tidy as possible. Almost perfect I dared to think.

But there was only one _little_ thing missing: _**people**_.

Yes, believe me. There was not a soul in sight. We looked to our right and saw one of those 'carriage trains' empty with just its respective couple of horses at the front. "It's quiet." noticed Shrek. And it sure was. The only thing we could hear was the playing instrumental Musak in the background. Turning our heads, we saw a house with its painting unfinished. "Odd, isn't it? This should be full of children, families, olderly...I don't know...Somebody! Looks too odd even for me." I said."And too quiet."."Yeah and that. Thank you, Shrek.". I actually thought he was right about we being lost and somehow managed to get ourselves in '_Ghost Town'_.

Even the souvenir shop (strangely full of dolls of the mysterious _'idol'_) was empty!

And people _**love**_ that kind of stuff!

"Where is everybody?" asked Shrek while looking around and raising his arms. Donkey and I were also trying to find something interesting. Or, at least, alive. "Hey, look at this!" Ding! Ding! Ding! And the winner was... Donkey! He rushed to a near by 'doll-house-like-machine' which had the Farquaad '_**f'**_ on the its top front, a plaque under it saying '_Information_' and next to it another one asking to pull a handle. Of course our little friend had the honour and pleasure of doing so. And when he did, we started to hear some clattering, whirring and clicking which caught him unguarded and made him hide behind Shrek. As time passed the clicking only got faster and faster, up to a point it made the three of us nervous. I even prepared myself in case that thing was some sort of trap. Jesus Cristo*. _Le_ suspense! Then, breaking the ice, the machine's doors opened with some childish instrumental sounds revealing us something really, _**really**_ unpredictable: small mechanical puppets in a mini version of DuLoc singing a promotional song about it. With children voices. And acting according to the lyrics. _Yay_...

"_Welcome to DuLoc _

_Such a perfect town_!

_Here we have some rules,_

_Let us lay them down. _

_Don't make waves,_

_Stay in line,_

_And we'll get along fine."_

At this point of the song we were a bit more calm. But still a bit more puzzled.

"_DuLoc is a perfect place!_

_Please keep off of the grass._

_Shine your shoes,_

_Wipe your..."_

Hey! Remember. Family animation comedy?

"_...Face_! "

Ah. I thought so.

"_DuLoc is,_

_DuLoc is,_

_Duloc is a perfect_

_Place!"_

And just as fast it began, it ended. The machine's doors closed with a loud _'bang' _and right after it came a camera-shutter-clicking sound with a white flash. Final product: a photo of the three of us (Donkey was at the middle of it) with funny and surprised faces saying '_Welcome to DuLoc' _at its bottom. "Wow!" stated Donkey slowly as we looked at each other. Well, what I was thinking about that _unique _experience was a bit more like '_**What in Heaven, Earth or Hell did just happen ?! '**_. But the one our little fellow said could it, so I didn't bother much. "Let's do that again!" he added as he run towards the crazy gadget.

Now, _that_ was a wrong choice of words.

"_No_." Shrek and I said at the same time. "No. No,no,no!" kept the ogre warning as he pulled Donkey by his tail. When he finally stopped by his side, the green being finished with a whisper: "No.". "What Shrek and I are trying to say is that you shouldn't do that again.". "Why not?" asked Donkey a bit sad. "Because this kind of..._**machine**_ sure must have a '_only one per client_' policy. And we don't want to make the newcomers unhappy if we make it run out of photos, do we?" I justified. Why are you looking at me like that? I didn't make up that _'line' _because I _**utterly**_ _despised_ the gadget or was worried about Shrek's temperament. Of course not! I made it to help our little friend understand that we can't be selfish with things which are shared among the public... What? "No, we don't. I'm sorry, Tia." he replied with his ears down a bit ashamed of his attitude. "Hey, you realised it before you did it. Therefore, there's no need to make that face." I said as I petted his head. He smiled at the gesture. See? No harm done.

Then, out of the blue, we heard some trumpet fanfare and faint crowd cheering coming from the castle.

Yeah.

That was our cue.

After walking across half town, we were going through one of the castle's tunnel-like-entrances. It seemed that someone was doing some kind of speech. But I couldn't understand it that well since Donkey was thoughtful enough to give us some background music. That's right. He was humming the _'DuLoc song'!_ "Hey. You don't happen to have another excuse to make him stop with that _**cursing**_ song, do ya?" whispered Shrek to me, who was by my left. With a smile I replied "Nope. Sorry, but you will have to handle this one by yourself."

All right.

You got me.

I was starting to feel comfortable around the green creature.

But even so, he got a bit annoyed with my reply. "All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom." he warned the little animal as he pointed towards him. "Sorry about that." Donkey apologized. And by the time he did so, we were just a couple of steps from the end of the tunnel. Coming out of the darkness and getting into the sudden daylight, we heard much louder cheering and the continuation of the speech.

Made in an overloaded _fighting_ arena.

By the _**hideous**_ Lord in question.

Well, the man was in the _highest_ balcony I have ever seen with a view over everyone and had two bodyguard soldiers (one for each side) behind him. Who else could he be? The Easter Bunny? "That champion shall have the honour - no,no - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the _dragon_." he said giving emphasis to the last words and griping his hand. It was then that it hit me: the mysterious _'idol' _was none the less Lord Farquaad _**himself**_! The fake head, the one formed by flowers and the dolls all had the same signature big chin, blue eyes, almost shoulder length black hair, medieval red outfit and hat!

Wow.

Sure his ego was bigger then himself.

Yes. I did realise he was _**really **_short. How? By his arms. They were also too short for even a normal body person. Shrek was right about the Lord being '_compensating for something_'. "If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place..." Is it the right time to confess we only gave our full attention to the speech from this point forward because we were looking at the group of _mighty_ knights in front us, the huge crowd _strangely_ ignoring us, the scary amount of _deadly_ medieval weaponry (including war horses) laying around and the _gigantic_ beer-or-wine barrels also not that far from _**us**_? No? Then, I'm sorry for the interruption. "... and so on and so forth." Farquaad finished slightly rolling his eyes and moving his hand. "Some of you may die,..." Insert a dramatic crowd gasp here. "...but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make." And a _**passionate **_DuLoc cheering here. With a man showing a plaque stating '_Applause_' to everyone.

Hold on a second.

Was I really still on Earth back then?

"Oh! Por favor, Meu Senhor*! Have mercy of this pure _**martyr**_ of yours." I dramatized playfully with the back of my paw on my forehead. Shrek and Donkey even gave a few chuckles. "Let the tournament begin!" ended the small man looking up and raising his arms. It's amazing how people can go crazy because of a group of _dummies_ fighting each other until only _**one**_ stands _alive_. Haven't we learned something with the _fallen_ romans? Well, I'm sure Shrek did. Since he decided to simply keep walking closer to Farquaad's balcony. Even if it meant passing through the said _mighty_ knights and finally catching everyone's attention to some fairy tale creatures that I know. Yes. You got the hint. "What is that?" asked the incredulous little Lord as he noticed us. Right away, the whole crowd gasped at the same time and some of it actually screamed.

How _**lovely**_.

"It's hideous!" he commented about Shrek with a disgusted look on his face. "Ah, that's not very nice." Shrek replied as Donkey and I nodded agreeing. Believe me. He wasn't a prince charming either. Shrek turned to us briefly. "It's just a donkey and a cat." Ha. Ha. Ha. Isn't he hilarious? "Huh?" was Donkey's answer. While mine was a not-so-amused face. "Indeed." stated Farquaad still _insulted_ by the green being's presence. I know what you may be thinking: now that the '_shock scene' _was completed, we were going to that part of the movies where the _heroes_ talk with the _'bad guy' _about his evil behaviour and make him pay. Well, think again. "Knights new plan! The one who kills the _**ogre**_..." We gasped. "... will be named champion! _**Have at him**_!" Farquaad ordered while pointing at Shrek.

First of all, kids don't point at other people.

It's a very _**ugly**_ thing to do.

And secondly, yes.

_This_is no ordinary film.

"_**Get him**_!" someone yelled as the knights started to surround us and make us move backwards with their sharp-to-cut-flesh-and-fur spears and swords. Now the three of us were _danger magnets_. Thanks to Donkey. "Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now." Shrek finished as he hit a table with some metal mugs on it. Just to give you a visual point, I was on Shrek's left and Donkey was hiding behind him. "Go ahead! Get him!" some random woman shouted as Shrek grabbed one of the beer-full mugs. "Can't we just settle this over a pint?" he asked hopefully to the group while raising the metal piece. Donkey wasn't in the same spirit, so he just walked away to somewhere. I, on the other hand, was thinking of a way to fight against those guys. My daggers wouldn't help much since they _**all**_ were wearing suits of armor. And I had only fought thieves and thugs until then.

I was a humble and hard-working traveler not a _**she-Rambo**_!

"God, please, if you're planning to give me another sigh, I think this is the _perfect_ time for that." I said as I looked slightly to the sky. Well, did he really help me? Did he not? Don't switch the _story_, because you're about to find out! "Kill the beast!" a man insisted as the knights kept walking unmoved by Shrek's friendly invitation.

_Wait for it_...

"No? All right then." he said before drinking the beer at once and cleaning his mouth with his sleeve. He gave a few steps back and shouted: "Come on!". And then he just broke the faucet of one of the beer (not wine) barrels with the mug. Creating a temporary _beer spray _which knocked down a good number of the said knights. Nice one, Shrek. Nice one. The hole on the barrel only got bigger, making all the beer fall on the ground and turning it into a really slippery and muddy one.

_Almost got it_...

Taking this opportunity, Shrek grabbed one spear stuck in the floor and started to practice some '_Hockey on Mud'. _With the raising knights._** Goal! **_

Not wanting to miss the action, Donkey finally appeared on top of a second beer barrel and started to make it roll while he walked on it. Unfortunately for our _beloved_ men in suits of armor, they were smashed by Donkey in the process. Even some who appeared as backup. What a _**pity. **_For Lord Farquaad, that is_**.**_

_And... _

_Clicky! _

My idea came!

And it was about time.

I had in front of me a group of five knights aiming at my little body!

"Now it's my turn." I said before one of them threw his spear at me. Which just got stuck on the ground since I dodged the move. I run on it to get higher and put myself on top of his head/helmet. With me blocking his view, the knight let go of the weapon and hopelessly tried to pry me off. But the other four_ fools _thought of another _**pratical **_method: hit the cat with their weapons while it was on the man's head/helmet. Oh, don't worry! I survived. They were the ones who almost didn't. "Say '_bye, bye'_, pussy cat." said one of them raising his sword in the air, ready to strike with its plain side. I simply eyed him with slight mischievous before I jumped in the air to avoid the blow. Which hit my first victim on the head instead of me. He passed out right away.

_**Oops**_!

That was meant for _**I**_, wasn't it?

My bad.

I landed on the swordsman's face with my claws holding on the sides of his helmet. This one had _no_ facial protection. _Sweet_. "Bye, bye." I waved teasingly at him with one of my paws just before I leapt once again and a spear's wood cane hit his face. _**Pow! **_And _yet_ another knock out. _Alright_. Two down: three more to go. As I got on the spear's owner _head/helmet _(I can't be more specific, like you _**may **_have already noticed) the other two knights decided to _improvise_. By hitting the cat with their spears at the same time. Well, for your information, the _cat _did _**not**_ like it. Then, what did she do? She used the handle of one of her daggers to beat her current '_patient'_ on the head with all of her strength, who went unconscious and fell with her. This way, she prevented the incoming _blow, _which was _**warmly**_ received by the two fools' cheeks_**. **_

_**Double combo! **_

_**Free bonus!**_

By the time I was finished, Shrek was already in the stockyard (it strangely looked more like a fighting ring, if I may tell you) where the war horses used to be. He was _wrestling_ against the remaining knights. The ogre sure loves '_sports'_, doesn't he? Well, I can't say the same about the crowd. They were even '_booing_' at Shrek, for the love of God! "Wow. Tell me about a _difficult-to-please_ public." I told him after Donkey and I got closer. The green being just smashed an incoming _dummy_ with his _**heavy**_ side. "You think?" he replied. "Oh! Oh! I know what we need. A broadcaster! There can't be a fight without one!" suggested the little animal as he got on a straw block and put his front legs on the ring's blue rope. Smiling, I took the role on one of its corners: "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! Today, _you_ have the one-in-a-lifetime chance to watch the _greatest_, the _mightiest_ and _strongest_ creature you could ever see... _**Shrek, the ogre**_!" I shouted as said being raised from the ground, took the whimpering knight out of the ring and made a quick pose with his arms. "Now, our warrior must keep defeating our host's knights if he wants to remain with his title...And his _**head**_."

Still not a good reaction.

Was my joke that bad?

"So, hold your hotdogs and popcorn, because we are ready for our next round!" I insisted as two other armed men got in the ring. "Shrek was quick to reply. He's puting himself on the ropes..You don't mean... Yes! That's right! He will do the '_SmashMouth_'!" I yelled as the ogre jumped into the air and _landed_ with his belly on top of one of said men. I won't need to explain myself about this one. Then, everyone but Shrek gasped as the other knight prepared to strike the temporarily distracted creature with his spear. On his back. Grande cobarde*! "Shrek, watch out!" I warned him. In a blink of an eye, he turned, yanked the mentioned weapon from the man's hands and hold him in the air by grabbing his head with both hands and securing his arms from behind.

I know.

What a messy _headlock_.

"Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!" pleaded Donkey while waving his tail with excitement. "Again, we can see the wonderful teamwork between our fighters!" I said just before the ogre moved with a grin and let the little animal smack the trapped man with his head. "And we got ourselves another knock out to finish the round!" And the crowd got wild with crazy cheers, applauding, yells and whistles.

Darn it!

We_ are __**good.**_

"Ah!" keep the ogre shouting and laughing as he used his hands to ask for more cheers on his ring's corner. While a swordsman sneaked behind him. "Yeah!" finished Shrek with a pose to the crowd. Quickly after, he turned and jumped at the victim's neck. "This is for you, future knights of DuLoc! Never do what these cheating ones are doing, if you want to survive with dignity!" I advised. What? I'm a kind cat."The chair! Give him the chair!" some random old lady yelled. "You got your wish, madam." I told her with a small bow. At least, the green being made sure it was granted. With the help of a random fighter. Farquaad simply looked and sighed at the scene before him with slight irritation and a facepalm. Unlike him, the public only got more excited with the show.

Even if the ones losing were their knights.

You just must love their _fairplay_!

On the meanwhile, Shrek carried on making the _fools-in-cans _pass out with lots of kicks, tossing, 'leglocks', upside down head-smaking and many more other ways. "Just one more and its off!" I said when the ogre was spinning the last knight in his hands. "3! 2! 1!..." I counted as he stopped satisfied and threw the man against one of the ring's corners. Donkey gave the final bell '_ding' _signal by kicking the fallen dummy on his helmet with his back hooves. Overwhelmed with his clear victory, Shrek got off the stockyard and went to the center of the arena again laughing and asking for more cheers. Donkey got on his left, while I went to his right. "And the winner and still champion of whole DuLoc: _**Shrek, the ogre!**_" I shouted as I raised briefly his arm in the air. When I let go of him, he used his hand to cup his right ear. Playfully pretending he couldn't hear the _massive_ crowd go maniac over _him_. "Ah, yeah! Ah! Ah!" he kept saying every time he flexed his arms in a pose. Donkey and I just smiled looking proud and confident at both the crowd and Shrek.

_Baby_, we were _**shining**_!

"Thank you! Thank you very much!" thanked Shrek with his hand to his new fans. "I'm here 'till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!" he suggested with the hand sigh for _'delicious' _and another heartful laugh._** Ok**_.

Now, where were we?

Oh, yes.

About to give a _'lecture' _to the _**bad guy**_.

But, such a thing didn't happen. _Again_. Because the_ Lord _thought it was his turn to make us look like _dummies_. How? He gave the sigh for his hidden-in-the-balcony archers to appear and point us with their _huge _bows. The public gasped at their sight and started to murmur among themselves. The three of us looked at our left: deadly arrows. Our right: _more_ deadly arrows. Shrek simply stared at Farquaad with unshaken confidence and bravery as we got closer to eachother without even realizing it. Donkey was afraid and nervous with his long ears down. Me? I stood my ground with a paw instinctively on one of my daggers and tried to find another tactical plan for our new situation. Although the chances to survive this one were a bit _too_ little.

**_Yup_**.

Pretty much at Farquaad's mercy there.

Was that _again_ my very end?

One of his bodyguards whispered something to him, which was probably the request to order the attack. Strangely said Lord shook his head lightly and whispered something back with a suspicious and devilish look on his face. "People of DuLoc,...". Oh, boy. "...I give _you_ our champion!" he finished with his arms towards Shrek. The crowd cheered once again and the trumpet fanfare came back. The green being's reaction reflected Donkey's and my confused one: "**_What_**?". "Congratulations, ogre." Please, explain. "You've won the honour of embarking on a great and noble quest."

Oh dear.

He just hit a nerve there.

_Shrek's_.

"Quest? I'm already on a quest, a quest to get my swamp back." he pointed insulted to himself. "And return the refugees to their former homes." Had the opportunity, I took it. "Your swamp?" replied the small man somewhat surprised and ignoring my statement. "Yeah my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures!" the ogre pointed accusingly at him. "Yeah, what he said!" Sorry. I run out of arguments. Donkey kept silent the whole time, just nodding with agreement. The people of the local town started to murmur once again.

_Jeez._

They sure **_love_** gossiping.

"Indeed." the man said with a bad grin. I never liked it. "All right, ogre, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back.". "And relocate the creatures to their rightful places." I added. Once I put myself into defending what it's right, I never rest. "Yes, yes. And that." he agreed waving his hand and rolling his eyes. "Exactly the way it was?" asked Shrek still with his '_I-don't-believe-you' _look. "Down to the last slime-covered toadstool." Farquaad assured. "And the squatters?". The ogre isn't easy to please. "As good as gone." I gave him a glare waiting for something else. Sometimes, I'm not either. The man sighed. "Properly." he added annoyed. Satisfied I turned to my green fellow expecting his answer. I was quite curious about this new _mission. _If it was something I could do to help those fairy tale beings, I would do it. Shrek gave one last glimpse at the bowmen with a thoughtful face. "What kind of quest?"

One you will never forget.

* * *

**Parceiro = Partner**

**Jesus Cristo = Jesus Crist**

**Por favor, Meu Senhor = Please, My Lord**

**Grande cobarde = Big coward**

**Wow. This turned out to be the biggest chapter I've ever made until now. I'm sorry that it took so long, but I got busy helping out my parents and found some **_**writer blocks **_**which didn't make my situation any better. And I might have some future uploading issues because of school. I will also do my best about that.**

**Once again, forgive me for any spelling/grammar mistake you may find. As well as any OOC moment. You are free to (constructively) review too!**

**See you next time!**


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